It's been a hell of a semester.
I have been slapped in the face daily by this semester and I am not exactly sure how I am coming out alive.
Last semester was my first semester in college, things were hard because I was transitioning, but I had no idea what the struggle bus actually looked like until this semester. The struggle bus came flying up and didn't stop long enough for me to get situated. I was tossed, hurled, thrown and shaken until I learned what that struggle bus really was and what it had in store for me.
The struggle bus, everyone, was the Lord. YELLING AT ME.
All semester I wanted to keep my precious 4.0 average because that way I felt I could prove to everyone around me that I have been making the right decisions. That I picked the right major, the right school, the right friends etc... God just chuckled at that and made it impossible for me, in the most loving way possible.
I had to learn quickly that you cannot put your hope in people, because people will disappoint. Teachers, friends and even those who have been around for you for nearly 20 years can go missing in an instant.
I learned not so quickly that my grades don't define who I am as a person, or my intelligence. I think this is something we as college students get into really easily. That our GPA is what will land us a perfect job and will prove to everyone that we picked the right major and did the right things. However, the Lord blesses and continues to bless all of our paths whether we have a perfect GPA or not.
I learned the slowest of all that I don't have to be perfect at everything to be valuable. I am the most valuable thing in my life. I am the daughter of the King. I am made beautifully and am valued by God. I felt and still feel so much pressure to be unflawed and to do everything perfectly-- I am still working on this one, but I have learned to just repeat over and over that "I am not in control and my future is secure whether I get this A or not"
There is nothing wrong with getting good grades, getting married, having a well paying job, or any of that. These are things that are great and wonderful and are looked really highly upon in our society. They are things that are GREAT, do not get me wrong.
-- However, they are not things that give you value as a person. You are in no way shape or form less valuable or less wonderful because you have a 2.75 GPA and The Lord will continue to bless your life.
--If I never marry anyone, I am not defective or weird, I am still the most treasured daughter of the King. I am more loved at my loneliest moment than I can even imagine.
--If I do become a broke public school teacher, then my heart will be content because it's following the Lords will. I have full faith in this.
I want this to be encouragement to anyone who feels useless, broken, or tired. I have felt and am currently feeling most of these things, even as I write this. I am just trying to learn to hear the sweet and encouraging things that the Lord has to tell me.
